So, major events that passed since my last post is that i barely survived the IGCSE exams, dolling up for graduation and prom and coming to the end of my 2 month holidays and greeting the new 2015 with orientation in MCKL.
Anyways i didnt come to type what i did , but what i feel ? yeah.
I believed that it took me a really long time to move on from my hopeless feelings, of couse im not 100 percent completely moved on but i guess i did a well good job in it. I stopped talking to him etc and i really miss having a daily conversation buddy especially sending pictures and calling each other names... But i came to my senses that you've completely changed into a new different person. it is as if you have transferred yourself to a whole new RICH era and you seem to have forgotten those that you said mean most to you. You told me once that i am your great friend and someone who only understands him, but honestly, i really think that you dont even mean it. please... you dont even talk to me anymore once i stop starting the conversation. you act like youre someone else and when i talk to you even in real life, its awkward as hell and you dont even seem to care about our relationship anymore. friendship or whatever, it feels like a one sided relationship... if i never talk to you ever again, i dont even think you will even think of me once. You act like someone you are not, you act like a completely new different person i couldnt even talk to you comfortably or feel comfortable round you anymore.
So recently, your new years post is with the one you longed for. I thought i at least had no more feelings, yeah its true, but the thought that you dont even put anymore effort is really just heart fucking breaking. i feel like ive been fooled... i feel so fucking disappointed because i really really expected us to at least continue our friendship. you dont even realise or notice the heart aches and miserable nights i go through because of you. i feel really stupid now but i cant help it . whats done is done. i just wished you'd knew how i felt too and i also wished that you would at least pay some little attention to me. if you dont want me to be friends with you, if i am too humiliating to be with, tell me at least? Honestly in other short words, i feel used. i feel betrayed. i feel dumped.
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Asides that, having to move on from you, i caught my another eye candy that has his eye on me for almost one year? Well, he waited for me for a few 6-7 months which is quite long ? Since he waited for me, i decided to give him a chance. He actually told me i was a second choice to him once... That's when i took back his chance with me and that was when i turned him down because i didnt want to be someone's back up plan. that is really pathetic. Well anyways, since in the end, he apologised and he told me that he wanted to go with me to prom, i decided to give him another chance. i mean he is a sweet guy, approved by my mom... And then 2 days later he facetimed me and every day we talked. we were in a flirtationship, i could say... But in the end after a few days i found myself so dumbfounded like i am now. I keep thinking to myself, was i being fooled once again? did he ask me just because for the sake of having a partner? or for showing off? did he ask me cause he got turned down by other people? And coming to my senses, i think it's slowly being true, one by one. this is because ; The other day he just posted a picture with a girl, im pretty sure that they have something on ??????????????? i have no fucking clue. but all i knew is that aftr that day, he never really talked to me anymore. he doesnt even seem to care about my existence anymore. no calls, no texts, no nothing. he just cut me off like that. New Years was yesterday, i wished him and 7 hours later got a cold reply from him. what a way to start the new years... haha..
sigh... why isnt anything working out? why do i keep on feeling disappointment and sad? i really really wish i didnt...
goodnight x
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