Tear me.

Sometimes, there is just no way to release my pain. No way to release my anger or someone to hold me and tell me its all right. The only way to do it is to punch something, scream to something and write it all out. No words can explain how stressful I've been this year. No one noticed but me, I admit i ain't smart but I really am trying to be hardworking. And my hardwork never seems to pay off. why?

Everyday, stressing. I feel the agony and urge to scream everything off, tear this bullshit apart like its some sort of paper. but no, its not, its reality and i already have gotten enough of it. I can't take it anymore. It's like I'm holding a basket full of apples, and i never seem to drop it back down and I keep holding on to it. The longer I do, the apples will get rotten, and when they do that's when my problems turn into bigger problems. And more apples fall means more problems fall. Am I even making a point here? Sigh, the point is that everyday, I'm just getting more and more and more and more business to take care off and questions to answer.

It's never ending and I don't think it will ever stop until the day I give up. I've been on the edge of giving up a couple of times but no, i did not. I keep telling myself that i need more confidence and build up a little and in the end it will all be worth it. but the question is will it be? what if it isnt and this is all just a waste? am i wasting my time right here doing something wrong? will all these late night work and early morning studies pay off eventually or will it not? 

I want a shoulder to lean on, tell all my problems and hope that person understand me. No one understands and no one cares. it's either their pretending to be sympathetic or mysterious. Oh well, that's life. never know which people are good or bad. I don't mind telling it all out but at the end of the day, who would actually really stick out with me and help me out till my problem is solved? Exactly. Too much crap, should sleep. 

Bye, x.